i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
