He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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