the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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