it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
