I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
