my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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