dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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