Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
