careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
