If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Come see our sink grown plant.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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