what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
