How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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