listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
