my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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