How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
