You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize