My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
