pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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