wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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