ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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