I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
