Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
