I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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