her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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