Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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