youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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