is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
