i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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