I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
third nipple confirmed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
