Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My vagina is very pro this idea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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