Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
