So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
