Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
