Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
