Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
