I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
