a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just blew my weed a kiss
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
