i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
