Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
