Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
