I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
