happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
