Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
