I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
