the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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