i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize