i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
