in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm too high and old for this...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
