I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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