Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
