So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
