It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
