put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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