the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Text me some of your sweat
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
