Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize