do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
