You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
