Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
